Thursday, January 20, 2011

"Are you pregnant too?"

First of all, NO...I am not pregnant.

I have no plans of getting pregnant anytime soon. I am as unpregnant as they come.

Just wanted to put that out there.

But I happen to work in an elementary school. A school that has 3 male employees. Everyone else is a woman. A gossipy woman. And at the time being, 3 of the women I work with are pregnant. They are all due between May and July. One of those women is my partner at work (we teach the same group of kids), and she is also my best friend at school. We'll call her S.

Apparently, if you're young and of child bearing age and you're married and your best friend gets pregnant, people seem to think that you are pregnant too.

Since S announced her pregnancy last November, I have had 5 people ask me if I'm pregnant too. FIVE.

FIVE PEOPLE.

I'm sorry but the last time I checked, you don't become pregnant when your best friend announces her pregnancy. I don't think it works that way.

Everytime someone asks me "the question" and I respond in a hysteric yelling fit, they quickly say something along the lines of, "Well, don't be offended! You're young and married, and you know, S is pregnant and all, so I thought you may be too"

Does that logic make ANY sense? AT ALL?! Since when did pregnancy become a contagious disease among friends. I don't think it works like that.

I will admit. I have gained about 10 pounds since last winter. Those are 10 pounds I am not happy about. In fact, I hate them and I'm hoping to get rid of them. But they're there. And that's just the way it is. HOWEVER, I don't think those 10 pounds on my hips and thighs are making me look pregnant. They just make my butt look big! But maybe I'm wrong. Because five people have asked me if I'm pregnant too. And apparently that's an okay question to ask people. Who knew?

My self esteem is shot.
I have become incredibly self conscious about my clothing choices.
And I am beginning to wonder if I have a poor perception of what I really look like.
Maybe I really do look like I'm sporting a baby bump?

These are the thoughts and feelings I've been struggling with since November. And it sucks.

I'm not writing this post to get compliments on how I look, I wrote it more as a way to vent. I am frustrated with the boldness and rudeness of others. People who have no social graces and think their questions are appropriate.

In good news, this just encourages me to work out harder. After being asked for the fifth time today and getting in the car and crying as I called J, I told that treadmill who was boss at the Y tonight. I suppose I can use this as motivation to get my butt to the gym. Always trying to see the positive!

45 comments:

  1. aww I feel your pain. For me it's the little kids, they see any sign of a belly & think you're preggers. Last year on parent night I wore a particularly unflattering dress & TWO parents came up after & asked if I was pregnant. NOT FUN AT ALL. But for the record...based on your pics you totally look skinny-mini!! :)

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  2. That is ridiculous! I'm sorry you had a bad day. I can't believe people would ever ask someone if they were pregnant ... that just doesn't seem like it is ever an appropriate question to me!

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  3. (a) No one should EVER ask you if you're pregnant / when you're due, etc - EVER! I don't care if you're 8+ months, about to pop... WHAT IF IT'S A HUGE GOITER?

    (b) You don't look pregnant. Or chubby. Or anything but awesome. And I know this wasn't for compliments, but that's just the truth.

    (c) Someone asked Evan if I was pregnant AT MY GRANDFATHER'S FUNERAL. Oooooooooo you can bet how happy I was about THAT.

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  4. You do NOT look pregnant! I'm so sorry you've heard that question; people can be absolutely thoughtless. Short of a woman's water breaking in front of you, NEVER ask. If they want you to know, you'll know. Hugs to you, friend!

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  5. People are crazy... I can't stand that question. Obviously, you are not pregnant!! You know, since I have gotten married (lil over a year ago) now, that is all people ask me! When are you going to have a baby? How many do you want?

    I don't know.

    But know, that there are a lot of us in the same boat as you!

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  6. I have so many who assume I will be having a baby. My husband and I decided before marriage that we are not going to have children. But they just assume. Most recently it has been my Sunday School class. What if I was struggling with infertility like several of my close friends are?? One time, I'm just going to say something rude and make them regret it.

    And really, wouldn't it be nice if everyone made a conscious, informed decision about having (or not having) children??? If it wasnt a problem, then my DINK income(s) wouldn't be so heavily taxed...

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  7. I just do NOT get how people can think one gets pregnant just bc/ a friend gets pregnant. I have friends that get pregnant if they just think about it and some that don't. Some have to try very hard and some simply do not want to have children at all. I've now been married almost 6 mos and I can honestly say the idiotic comments I've heard in this short time have blown me away! People are JERKS, BIG GIANT JERKS!
    I'm sorry you had a bad day and I'm sorry you have to deal with this at work.

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  8. Girl that has nothing to do with you and how you look and everything to do with how stupid people are. I can't tell you how many people ask when we're going to have a baby. We've only been married a year! I would love if I had the courage next time someone asks to say never and that I hate kids just to make them feel awkward too.

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  9. This happens to me at my school too. What the heck do these people think? Drives me nuts!!!

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  10. I don't think them asking has anything to do with how you look. From your pictures you can't tell you have gained anything, I would have never knowm, you look great! Seriously, I was shocked when I read that!

    People ask me all the time, when are you gonna have kids? When are you gonna get pregnant? I think people always want the next big thing for you, and don't stop to think that everyone has different plans for their life. Not everyone wants to get pregnant right after they get married. Some people want to enjoy being married first!

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  11. You know what, this has NOTHING to do with you looking pregnant. I promise you that. Weight is not the issue.

    It's that people think it's TIME for you to have kids. Time for them, not for you.

    Hell, people ask me if I'm going to get pregnant anytime soon and I'm not even married, nor have I dated anyone for the past two years. RUDE!

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  12. Oh, dear. People can be so rude! I think it says more about their social awkwardness than your appearance. Just keep enjoying your married life and ignore those annoying comments!

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  13. Oh, girl…. I am reaching through this computer and giving you a big hug. Hope you felt it!! :)

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  14. I am so sorry you have been having a rough time! People can be so insensitive and waayyyy to nosey for their own good. You do NOT look pregnant!

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  15. i feel about 600% certain this has nothing to do with the way you look, and everything to do with people being unbelievably rude and illogical. good for you for turning it into something positive!!!

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  16. Oh God! PEOPLE CAN BE SO RUDE! I am sure the school just has babies on the brain, but that's no excuse for asking ridiculous questions. I hope you give them a death stare when they ask you.

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  17. I agree -- it's the timing. We're not even married and people ask us when we're going to buy a house, have kids... now that everything is out in the open w/ blogs, facebook, etc., they think it's appropriate to ask!! But go ahead, kick that treadmill's butt!( :

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  18. i've been fielding the exact same questions since my sister got pregnant. they actually quadrupled after she had her baby because now everyone assumes since i'm the older sister i should have one by now. i'm sorry, i'm TWENTY FIVE. i'm pretty sure it's not the end of the world if i'm not pregnant yet. people are really rude, i can't stand how presumptuous they can be.

    i feel your pain.

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  19. I had a small child ask me if I was pregnant once. And it made me SO self-conscious the rest of the day and swear I was never going to wear a "trapeze" shirt again.

    I know you aren't looking for compliments, but the last picture I saw of you...you looked great. :)

    AND...people's logic is screwed up. I might not be dealing with the pregnancy thing, but since my cousin got engaged I can feel the underlying question of, "Dear Lord, Sarah..when are YOU going to find a man?"

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  20. I seriously can't believe the nerve of some people. I'm in the same boat as you...tons of friends are pregnant so I must be too! What a ridiculous piece of logic! Hope you have a better day today!

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  21. I understand why that upsets you. Last summer I went to a baby shower and one woman asked me when I was due! I said I'm not pregnant and she back tracked talking about clothes these days and stuff. I tried to walk away and she kept babbling and following me. I of course was self concious and left crying. People are rude sometimes and have no manners. Fyi- you do NOT look pregnant.

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  22. I totally understand. People are such idiots! REALLY. I am trying to get pregnant and have been for 15 months. We already have one who is 2.5 and people ask me all the time what I am waiting on to have another. Like it is that easy and I should just snap my fingers and make another. ugh. People can be so hurtful. I am so sorry you had a bad day. You look great.
    On a lighter note: Just be glad you are not a celeb. They post their pictures on the front of magazines predicting baby bumps. THAT WOULD BE AWFUL!!!
    Hope you have a wondeful weekend.

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  23. Oh my gosh, I totally understand! I'm 27 and my husband and I have been married for over three years so every SINGLE time I say I don't feel well people (family, friends, co-workers), are like "oh, could you be pregnant?" No, I'm not and it's NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS! Ugh!

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  24. I would like to echo everyone else; this is not about you. Young people get asked lots of innapropriate questions, whether they are single, married, working, out of work, whatever. I think people mean well and are just trying to make conversation and offer what they think is useful advice, but it can come off SO hurtful. Don't let them get to you!

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  25. OMG that is awful! People can be SO rude. Honestly, I don't think it has anything to do with your weight (you look skinny and not preggo in every pic I see of you) -- it's that people are just dumb and think that it's "about that time" where you'd be having a baby (years married, friend is preggo, etc.) Did you read my PSA yesterday on my Fireworks blog? C'mon people, just DON'T talk about the state of person's uterus! It's rude and wrong.

    Hope your day is better! xoxo

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  26. When I taught high school, I was asked that question on a daily basis. DAILY. My shut-them-up response was "Wow, thanks for bringing a really painful subject. I don't think we can have kids." After I had given them a minute to feel bad, I told them that it was inappropriate to ask me such a question. Sorry. I do remember being asked that question constantly. Sadly, just a mere months after I had my little girl, the questions began all over again: when are you going to have another? Try not to let it get to you. Although all you can see is the 10 lbs you know you gained, most likely, they aren't even thinking about how you look; rather, they are just being nosy. Head up. Chin up. You are exactly where God wants you to be. ;-)

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  27. That's ridiculous! I am a teacher as well and I totally understand your work environment. There are 2 male teachers at my school and the rest are women. It can lead to a very gossipy environment!

    No one should ever ask anyone if they are pregnant!

    I'm pregnant, due in May, and co-workers think that it's ok to say anything...I mean anything. i.e. "I think you are having a girl. Your butt is starting to spread." and "How much weight have you gained?" in a tone that sounds very judgmental. Both which resulted in tears and constant checking myself in the mirror. If I was really thinking, I would said "Well as long as my butt doesn't get as big as yours, I'll be ok." Jerks!

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  28. People are stupid, don't listen to them. They probably are just trying to make conversation. Thoughtless and rude. And I doubt it's based on your looks.

    I can relate though, people are always asking me why I'm not married yet...as if I have an answer for that...!

    When I taught kindergarten the kids were so fascinated by the fact that babies came out of women's bodies that they would run up to any female, regardless of her weight, pat her stomach and say, "you got a baby in there?". I got to see so many women have absolutely horrified faces and I had to explain to them that the kids literally asked EVERY woman that. It was funny.

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  29. Why are people SO ridiculous?! People are already asking when we are going to have kids, and we aren't even married yet! I also find it offensive that every single "symptom" means a woman MUST be pregnant. I made comment at work the other day, which lead to "you know, a strong sense of smell is a symptom of pregnancy." Come on, people! It's so inappropriate to say that to someone.

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  30. Friend, I know exactly how you feel! I'm so sorry these ridiculous people are getting you down! But stop letting them right now, because really, it's all just timing and has nothing to do with your super cute (and tiny) appearance, people just do not think about what they say! Big hugs!

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  31. oh girl I'm so sorry - I cant believe how rude people are with that! it always blows me away! :-) but if it makes you feel any better, the kids ALWAYS think I'm pregnant because "you belly stick out" . . . haha -- trust me, you're beautiful! :-)

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  32. My first year married, I was teaching also and SO many of the parents asked if I was pregnant. At Open House, one of the dads said, "If we don't see you, good luck with the baby!" And that was before my post baby body - I was skinny then! I was sick at Back to School night because there was a ridiculous virus circling the school, and that started a rumor that went straight to my principal that I was pregnant. People just assume that the minute you get married, you're on the baby train.

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  33. Oh no! I'm sure it has nothing to do with how you look...it's probably just that people around you are pregnant...not that that makes it any better though.

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  34. sorry for your bed day...

    But... have a great weekend! xo

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  35. Omw I feel your pain, every married friend I have is pregnant, or just had a baby. My students have been trying to "wish" me pregnant and constantly make comments about how I will be by May. Even our "we aren't having kids for a long time" couple friends just accidently got pregnant.

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  36. Some people are just so rude and nosy! Hey, that's what blogs are for... to vent!

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  37. Ah, I'm sorry. Last week someone at work announced their pregnancy by just putting a treat in the lounge so people had to guess who it was. Granted there aren't too many people it could be...but you bet I got congratulated and picked to be the one who put it in there!

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  38. I could write an entire post on the inappropriate questions I've gotten on this issue in the past. I will say this; the question has zero to do with your weight. It's just that it's the natural progression as people see it, and they just don't get it if people aren't doing what they think they should do. People are rude girl. Don't even let it bother you.

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  39. Last year, when I was teaching, this exact same thing happened to me. I wanted to kill everyone! UGH!

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  40. So annoying! Since I teach at a very small school I'm having a very similar problem. My friend, and fellow teacher is now pregnant and the other staff and parents can't stop bothering me and the one other young teacher about when we're going to have children! I get asked when we're going to have kids all the time now that she's pregnant...such a pain!

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  41. No worries. I think it's common for women to hear this .... I have before as well. I'm not saying that it's appropriate by any means, but it just seems to happen more frequently! Ugh. No fret. You look great and who cares what other terribly rude people are saying. As long as you're comfortable that's all that matters! By the way, I just moved to your neck of the woods! You should've said how hard it would be to find decent affordable housing. Sheesh! ;) Best wishes!

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  42. Definitely rude for people to ask! Everyone around me is pregnant and I was really tempted to ask a girl I know if she's pregnant, but I'm not socially inept and will wait until she announces it, or maybe she's just gained a lil weight - either way, not my business! Next time someone asks you should say "No I'm not, are you?" :)

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  43. How rude!! You look great! Don't let them get you down!

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  44. I really never understand why people ask women if they're pregnant (so rude!). If a woman is pregnant and wants you to know about it, she will tell you!

    Almost all of the young couples in our church are pregnant right now, and I get really tired of people saying to my husband and me, "You're next!" Really?! Just because several other women are having a baby, I should have one too?! Ugh!

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  45. Unreal. I have stopped trying to figure out where people's brains are.

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